"i have to pee like a racehorse, and i mean that in the nicest way possible."
- mary's co-worker, 10/5

"muppet is my ass pirate!"
- bill, 10/6

"dude, it's freezing in here!"
"well gain some weight."
- mary's co-workers, 10/14

"did they have jujyfruits?"
"did you look?"
"you're so cool."
- alyssa and mary @ viejas, 10/14

"i'm a flower making fool!"
- alyssa @ viejas, 10/14

"ignore that fuck."
- stacey, 10/18

"my hairdresser told me 'roots are in.'  i was like, 'yeah right.'"
"who told you that?  your hairdresser?  how cute!"
- girls at fashion valley, 10/19

"did you just try to write with a tampon?"
"mary doesn't wear tampons."
- stacey and alyssa @ the movies ("from hell"), 10/19

"johnny depp is hot.  i want his nuts!"
- alyssa @ the movies ("from hell"), 10/19

"why do we have to get two bottles of that?"
"because he's afraid their going to run out of it."
"sounds like old people paranoia to me."
- mother & daughter at costco, 10/21

"you can't bring home an open container of barbeque sauce.  if you do that, he'll be like, 'bitch, what are you doing?'"
- guy in lobby at mary's work, 10/30

"i wish i could pee at my desk."
- stacey, 10/30

"bora bora will now be called mary mary."
- mary, 10/30

"the money was flyin'!"
- loud guy playing pool @ the dog, 10/30

"you need to bring some ammo to launch over at mcgourty whenever he acts up."
"i've got come cough drops."
"what you really need is to bring in a winter coat, some gloves and a scarf.  see that hole in the ceiling?  it's going to start snowing in here pretty soon."
- mary's boss, mary, and co-worker, 11/7

"it's just what you've always wanted - lime juice!"
- mary @ the ould sod, 11/7

"it's sweetened lime juice no less so its for wimps."
- stacey @ the ould sod, 11/7

"you're not doing work, are you?"
"yes, i am."
"well you can't work in here!  it's not good for drinking!"
"i could stop drinking."
"god forbid!"
- bartender & stacey @ the ould sod, 11/7

"the jews make a good hot dog."
- stacey @ friday's, 11/8

"this band sucks, but at least you can dance to them."
"oh my god, i can't wait for the bouncing souls to come on. i think i'm going to die."
- some chick at the flogging molly/bouncing souls show, 11/10

"jenna, i don't hate you. she's the one who hates you, but i don't want to be your friend though. but, i think you are a beautiful person."
- written on the bathroom stall at the flogging molly/bouncing souls show

"he says he can't drink until its dark out, that's like your parents telling you you have to come home when the streetlights come on."
"do they even have streetlights in south dakota?"
"i don't think so."
- mary's co-workers, 11/12

"we might have to give you a code red and i don't mean mt. dew!"
- mary's co-worker, 11/12 

"oh, i'm not supposed to say 'ass' at work, my manager just looked at me."
"you can sell me some ass."
"yes, would you like to buy a stock of ass?"
- bill and mary on the phone, 11/15

"is it a yuppie place?"
"every place is a yuppie place to you!"
"come on, i'm poor!"
- mary's co-workers, 11/29

"anything with long sleeves i consider to be black tie."
- mary's co-worker, 11/29

"i do more before nine o'clock in the morning than you do all week."
- mary's co-worker, 11/29

"you know by banging your fists on the table you're committing physicalism!"
- drunk guy @ the ould sod, 12/1

"that telephone booth, you can travel in time in it.  you just punch in the year ... like ... 1976, or something."
- another drunk guy @ the ould sod, 12/1

"i feel like i should get mad or something because i'm drunk... er, no, because it's my birthday."
- alyssa @ the ould sod, 12/1

"i'm glad i'm on the 'crotch yes' list."
- muppet, 12/1

"what do you think of this pick-up line? 'hey look, it's my crotch.'"
- muppet, 12/1

aim chats:

ladykyten: i wish i had won.
ladykyten: maybe next time.
ladykyten: maybe never!
GrendelPrimed: Oh well. You can join the losers. -- I'm a member.
ladykyten: woo.
GrendelPrimed: Water is juicy.
ladykyten: i think water is watery.
GrendelPrimed: I think water is in my bladder.
GrendelPrimed: I've lost the sense of urinary sensation.
GrendelPrimed: I got the loss of urinary sensation blues.
- mary & ron on aim, 10/14

LisMerz: i got the day off of work so i am travelling farther on the first day
ladykyten: oh heheh okay
ladykyten: well, you can stop to pee in vegas
LisMerz: i'm stopping in utah
LisMerz: lol
ladykyten: "i peed in vegas!"
LisMerz: lol
ladykyten: heheh
ladykyten: maybe you can visit with the mormons in utah
LisMerz: lol
LisMerz: i don't think the mormons would want me
ladykyten: i wonder how they know if you're mormon or not, do they have like mormon cards?
ladykyten: i mean
ladykyten: can just like go to a mormon temple and say
ladykyten: "yeah, i'm mormom" and get in?"
LisMerz: i think it's like gay-dar or something...they just know
ladykyten: "i do not sense any mormon in you. i'm sorry, you can't come in."
LisMerz: lol
LisMerz: it is so true though! my brother's old roommate is mormon
ladykyten: maybe they get mormon certificates
LisMerz: my brother had to get special permission to see the new temple they built before it was blessed and he had to go with his friend and follow all these silly rules and stuff
ladykyten: mormons are silly.
ladykyten: they must have some secret operations plans or something in each temple
ladykyten: and really, why are those temples so big?
LisMerz: lol
ladykyten: case in point: the mormon temples in boston.
ladykyten: well cathedrals are big
ladykyten: but cathedrals have more interesting artitechture and i can go inside those
LisMerz: the temple alan saw cost a few million to build
ladykyten: the temple here in san diego is HUGE
ladykyten: and very white
LisMerz: it's like a mansion or something
ladykyten: with like a golden angel on top
LisMerz: it doesn't look like a place of worship
- lisa and mary on aim, 11/08

long-winded aim chat with drunken bryan (aka "funny pants")

the plain jane