"no, he wasn't a midget. he was a flipino elvis."
- mary's dad, 1/15

"hello, the anti-christ has arrived."
- guy in pb, entering flipi's, 1/20

"there were lots of puppies there."
"did you eat any of them?"
- mary & alyssa, 1/20

"are cats white meat?"
- alyssa, 1/20

"you know its sad when you're in tijuana and you see two guys arguing on the street and the one guy is trying to talk the vendor down from a 50 cent taco to 25 cents."
- mary's co-worker, 2/8

"i'd rather live in tijuana than mississippi. god that place is horrible, it's like in a third world country, all the people are living in shacks."
- mary's co-worker, 2/8

"hey this school just signed adam west! he's kind of old, but at least he's got four years of eligibility... i wonder when they're going to sign robin?"
- mary's co-worker, 2/8

"when i look at it, i just want to jump on it and go right through."
- passerbyers, 2/8

"god damn it, this is the hardest clippy i've ever had in my life! are you going to write that down? god damn it."
- mary, 2/10 @ friday's

"the gentleman up front would like to buy you whatever you'd like. you can take me home tonight."
- coffee server lady @ dizzy's 3/10

alyssa sneezes while mary counts her scrabble points.
"damn, i was hoping to throw you off."
mary glares.
"well, you didn't! i see through your nefarious plan! ... really, i just like to say 'nefarious'."
"nefarious - isn't that a joey word?"

(a little while later)
"oh, yeah, you have 'allegeries'. right."
alyssa & mary, 3/11 @ friday's

"hey buddy, i know you're bad at math but eight divided by four is two, not three. you need to see someone about that ..."
- mary's co-worker, 3/12

"r.e.m., weezer, and tool are all putting albums out on the same day. it's like the second coming of christ. it's like the great conjunction in the dark crystal where the three suns become one. i've said this about ten times today and i've only known for a couple of hours."
- alyssa, 3/13

"join the air force! maybe you'll get to do this, or maybe you'll get to clean toilets."
- mary, 3/16

"i'm not wiccan, but it's cool to make lists and burn things."
- alyssa, 3/16

mary shakes her corona and watches her lime.
"i like to watch it fizz. too bad its not dr pepper."
- mary, 3/17

"you guys like darts?"
guy walks away.
- guy approaching chicks in a bar, 3/17

"fuckin fuckity fuck."
- mary, 3/17

mary throws her napkin down.
"that's some reckless abandon there."
"fuck you."
- alyssa & mary, 3/17

"that guy isn't superman. superman wouldn't dye his hair blonde. i bet superman is comfortable with who he is. he's not trying to get the ladies."
- mary, 3/17

"i slept between the two of them, it was so much fun."
- overheard @ 976, date unknown

"do you remember your first kiss?"
"oh yeah. that was so good."
- overheard @ 976, date unknown

"i am so the black sheep of my family."
- overheard @ 976, date unknown

"i've never put my tongue in a nine-volt battery."
- overheard @ 976, date unknown

"we should get arbor day as a holiday."
"yeah, and flag day."
- mary's co-workers, 3/22

"i like twigs in salad, but not in bread. you know, that nine grain bread.... that has like ... rocks... in it."
- alyssa, 3/22

"mmm, wood."
- mary, 3/22

"my roommate's skipping town."
"aw, he got fucked!"
"i love the sympathy here! now i got a two-bedroom apartment all to myself."
"aw well, what are you going to do?"
"kick it."
- mary's co-workers, 3/23

"hey, what are your thoughts on skipping town? we won't miss you."
"i'm staying here!"
- mary's co-workers, 3/23

"i envy that guy. what's his name? he's in all those 'usa up all nights'."
mary's co-worker, 3/23

"if i had a needle, i'd stick it in his ass."
- alyssa, 3/24

"leave my stain alone bitch."
- alyssa, 3/24

"the water made it sucky."
- alyssa, 3/24

"it's system of a down."
"system of a down!"
"dude, fuck you."
- alyssa & greg, 3/24

"greg, you're making my middle finger hurt."
- alyssa, 3/24

"i wish i had a headrest."
- alyssa, 3/24

"your site is about nothing, but in a good way. it's like the seinfeld of websites."
- scott, 4/1

"i'm never having children with you."
"yes you are. i'm pregnant! and boy is it gonna hurt."
- christina & scott @ the spaghetti factory, 4/1

"how come no one ever says 'who's your mommy'?"
"i don't think anyone cares."
- people walking by, 4/5

"that guy's so clean! he's like eddie haskell coming in here with his brown paper bagged lunch with his name on it."
"hey, you should be taking notes from him."
"i do, i look up to him."
"only when you're passed out."
"well, yeah."
- mary's co-workers, 4/6

"say it was anonymous and in parentheses write 'his name was bill'. or 'his last name was german and i don't mean his last name was german, it was actually german'."
- bill, 4/7

"can we get another dr pepper, this one tastes terrible."
"oh okay - what does it taste like?"
"just... gross."
"can i try it before you take it away?"
- alyssa, waitress, mary and alyssa again, 4/7 @ friday's

"he wears shoes that are way too big and i said, 'those shoes make your feet look huge'. he said 'that's the idea' and i said 'no chick is gonna fall for that'. he said, 'mexican chicks do'."
- stacey, 4/7

the plain jane