some old ones:

"today when i was cleaning my car, i found a sticky note with quotes from you two. stacey said 'i need a stick shift,' and mary said, 'why don't you just say you need a dildo?' i was like, 'whoa, mary said dildo.'"
- alyssa, mary, and stacey 03.12.01

"i think it's in canada or minnesota or some accent state."
- alyssa 03.15.01

"it's a bit nippy... or uh... hot."
- alyssa 03.15.01

"what's with all these catholic kids?"
- alyssa 03.15.01

more recent ones:

"if you can be a banker, you can be a stoner."
- mary @ fridays, 4/4

"i don't harass enough people."
- alyssa @ fridays, 5/6

"cake doesn't go so well with beer."
- mary's dad, 5/12

"it's not just me with the handcuffs."
*perks up*... "handcuffs?"
- heather & stacey, 5/12

"mary is the virgin that really jumps out at you."
- bill, 5/12

"oh yeah, this is sexy."
- id with a plastic rhino in his mouth, 5/12

"is it good odd or bad odd?"
- alyssa, 5/12

"i'd like to see bill lick frosting off of id."
- alyssa, 5/12

"how much drama could happen around here in thirty minutes?"
"i have a crush on you, id."
- id & bill, 5/12

"did you just ask if there's any meat in tuna? it's *tuna*."
- subway worker talking to a guy who didn't speak good english, 5/16

"its hot in here."
"did you mean that in a special way?"
- alyssa & heather @ fridays, 5/19

"i once drove a golf cart into the water on purpose."
- mary's co-worker, 5/22

"what are you doing to my newspaper? that's an heirloom!"
- sarah to cat, 5/24

"alaska has more lakes than any other state, even minnesota."
"more legs?"
- matt & sarah, 5/24

"it would suck to die to 'beautiful day'."
- matt, as we pass other cars on the two-lane highway in alaska, 5/24

"i was supposed to get money when you masturbated in public!"
- mary, to sarah 5/24

"the sound of a woman peeing is so weird. even when i was a kid i thought it was weird."
- david, 5/24

"if i could marry anyone in this room, it'd be me."
- matt, 5/24

"they have all kinds of foreign food here."
"well you're still in america. don't you agree is this the 49th state? it's been around since 1959."
"well i haven't been around that long."
- tourists with southern accents in alaska, 5/25

"that's basically a crap store except that have dildos and stuff."
- david, refering to a store called 'neat stuff', 5/25

"is grandma a space pilot?"
- daughter to her mother in the seattle airport, 5/30

"i would have been a chocolate covered stacey."
- stacey, 5/30

"i'm mister tan boy."
- id, 5/30

"chocolate ants are very tasty, but the bigger ants are more anty."
- stacey, 5/30

"i only like meat when its not a surprise."
- alyssa, 6/3

"good morning, you have chalmydia!"
- alyssa @ fridays, 6/7

"we're like dogs, we can smell fear."
- stacey, 6/8

Etceteral (4:08:13 PM): i really wish mariah carey hadn't decided to turn herself into a skanky ho halfway through the 90's
Etceteral (4:08:25 PM): she had some real talent going for her... :/

"guys don't even know which hand to look at for a king. they're like, what's a ring?"
- guy @ denny's, 6/10

"pine-sol, where can i find that? is it next to the beans or salsa?"
"no, it's next to the ---"
"mom, i was kidding."
"one of these days i'm going to choke you!"
"haha, sure mom."
- mary & her mom, 6/11

"superman [the ride] is the orgasm of magic mountain."
- bill @ magic mountain, 6/19

"my other name at work is 'fireboy'."
"ooohhhh... that has a lot of implications!"
- man & a woman walking through the breakroom @ mary's work, 6/13

"is splash the plural of splish?"
- mary's co-worker, 6/21

"he doesn't spend $20 in a week. that's like a month of lunches at am pm."
- mary's co-worker, 6/21

"um.. what are you listening to?"
"oh... madonna."
"*oh* ... hm. allrighty then."
- mary's co-workers, 6/22

the plain jane