alyssa: a review

alyssa's got some good points and some bad points, but i'm not lying when i say she's mostly got good points about her. maybe i'm biased because she's one of my best friends and all, but really, would she even be one of my best friends if she didn't have all those good points? come on now. i have standards, you know.

anyway. i would like to let you all know about the top three things that alyssa likes to talk about, in case you ever wondered to yourself, "hm, i wonder what it would be like to talk to alyssa". 1) her car. holy good god, she loves her car, despite the heartache it's given her (or rather, it's recieved). when she first got it, it's all she talked about. folks, she loves the color. it's better than that crappy thunderbird she drove. she keeps it clean as well. she also points that out on a weekly basis. 2) her apartment. it's very cute. it's a studio. 3) i can't think of a third right now, but it could very well consist of: ikea, magnets, striped things, or food. despite all this, you might want to talk to her anyway. she's pretty amusing.

i forgot what my cons were going to be. probably the "i love my car" thing.

a funny thing about alyssa is that she sleeps more than anyone i know and could probably eat more than you, too. i always know she's asleep when she does not answer both of her phones, and if you keep on calling you're pretty much calling in vain because she's not picking up that phone. better just leave a message, buddy. she's too cozy to talk right now.

oh yeah, alyssa might punch you if she's really hungry. better watch out.

i can only say so much about alyssa myself, so i decided to seek some outside sources for their opinion to round out my article so that more than one point of view is represented here. i'm trying to put my journalistic degree to a use and be objective.

interview with ron

what do you think of alyssa?
ron: Alyssa is the quickest witted woman I know. When she tells me lame anecdotes, I claim that she is my favorite, even though I hate her.

what three words do you think of when you think of her?
ron: gulag, spider, molest

what song reminds you of alyssa?
ron: Worst Day Since Yesterday -- Flogging Molly.

what's alyssa's favorite color?
ron: Anything on the earth-tone side of the spectrum.

what's your favorite alyssa story?
ron: There are so many good ones, but I think the one I find endearing is the one where she thought helicopters were spidery, and would shout, "Heli-coppers! Heli-coppers!" and run.

interview with some guy i don't know

ladykyten: so, metrofusion2002, tell me what you think of alyssa?
Metrofusion2002: umm, shes cool
ladykyten: what three words do you think of when you think of her?
Metrofusion2002: charmed on WB
ladykyten: what do you think is alyssa's best trait?
Metrofusion2002: acting
ladykyten: what do you think she should be doing with her life?
Metrofusion2002: shes good
ladykyten: do you think she'll make a good lawyer?
Metrofusion2002: yeah
ladykyten: do you have any final words about alyssa?
Metrofusion2002: ...........
ladykyten: thank you metrofusion2002, you've been a great help

in conclusion, i'd like to leave you with some words of wisdom from alyssa:

"i want a tazer instead of a gun because a) i don't want to get in trouble and b) i don't want to clean up the blood."

tazers instead of guns for all!

this article sucked, didn't it?  you can tell me the truth.




the plain jane