"don't put your hand in this bag!"
- alyssa, 04.24.02 @ the ould sod
"mom, did i ever tell you that you're the bestest mom i've ever had?"
"really? i'm pretty sure i'm the only mom you've ever had. except maybe rachel."
- son & mom, 04.28.02 @ ralph's parking lot
"can i have a time out?"
"no, i'll only give you a time out if you're been really bad. have you been really bad?"
- little boy & his mom, 04.28.02, @ ralph's parking lot
"mary, where did you find this guy?"
"you're the one that married him."
"he wasn't like this when i married him, he's a jerk!"
"yes, i was!"
- mary, mary's mom & mary's dad, 04.30.02
"what's so great about this? he was kicking a woman and he's got a toothpick in his mouth. i could do that."
- mary's mom watching a puff daddy video, 04.30.02
"i'll beat her up and take her boyfriend!"
- woman, 05.03.02, @ 7-11
"we'll go to union station."
"what do they have there?"
"oh, there's shopping... and IMAX."
"are there baseball bats so you can smash them?"
"what? you lost me."
"OH! IMAX, the theater! i thought you meant i-macs, the computers!"
- brandon & mary, 05.08.02
"i'm a sex educator, you can ask me whatever you want."
- chick, 05.19.02, @ keith's restaurant
"i was like, when you're ready to have coffee like a man, call me."
- some lady, 05.28.02 @ keith's
"he was like, 'i have an appointment to do nothing'."
- some lady, 05.28.02 @ keith's
"it's a picture of emmanuel lewis."
"is that facial hair? that look like a ..."
"a munchkin?"
"a midget?"
"... one of those ventriloquist dummies with the lines of his chin."
- east coast bill, mary & alyssa, 05.28.02 @ keith's
"you don't give evil beer."
- stacey, 05.29.02, @ the ould sod
"did you hear john gotti just died?"
"yeah. i bet its all a scam. he probably broke out of prison and is running the family again."
- mary's co-workers, 06.10.02
"hey mary, you know you're the only one here right now?"
"yeah."
"okay. chris is coming in at noon, but he'll probably be hung over."
- co-worker & mary, 06.17.02
"i want a tazer (instead of a gun) because a) i don't want to get in trouble and b) i don't want to clean up the blood."
- alyssa, 06.23.02
"i want to be tazed!"
- alyssa, 06.23.02
"today is the day of meat & sugar."
- alyssa or stacey?, 06.23.02 @ the del mar fair (or san diego county fair, if you want the new name)
"see, i was a boy at one point."
- jc, 06.24.02
"i have the cheapest boyfriend ever."
"whatever, you have money."
- couple in parking lot, 06.24.02
"what, you like peanut butter? and pancakes? together?"
- mary's co-worker, 06.25.02
"you know that guy you went to school with on the real world? he is the biggest tool ever!"
- mary's co-worker, 06.26.02
"dude, when you're talking to me, no star wars crap."
"yes, padawan learner."
- mary's co-workers, 06.26.02
"it's got to be hard when your whole team doesn't like you. what was that whole choking incident?"
- mary's co-worker, 06.27.02
"i'm pretty sure krispy kreme is open right now."
"really? where's it at? it is close by?"
- mary's co-workers, 06.27.02
"you can sit on my lap, dave!"
"i don't think so, it ain't that kind of party."
- mary's co-workers, 06.28.02
"he was in the marines, he must have assassin skills! 'i can kill you with one flick of a cigarette from 100 yards away!'"
- mary's co-worker, 06.28.02
"oh, you're into those european men's handbags."
"they're fun."
- alyssa & jc, 06.29.02
"i like my banana. i like potassium." - mary's co-worker, 07.03.02
"you were eating my jujyfruits!"
"no, i stopped after you called me an asshole."
- alyssa & bryan, 07.10.02
"is there a fourth floor?"
"yes."
"what's up there?"
"monsters."
- secretary & doctor, 07.15.02 @ chiropractic office
"using someone else's headphones are like using someone else's jockstrap."
- mary's co-worker, 07.17.02
"our band should be called 'sucks to be us'."
- mary, 07.31.02 @ "down from the mountain" concert at coors ampitheater
"i offer to take her to lunch, she says no, and i'm supposed to show up with food anyway?"
"yes!"
"that's so retarded."
- mary's co-workers, 08.01.02
"you really should grow a mullet."
- bill to annoying guy, 08.02.02, in line at comic-con
"he took chinese! anti-practical or what?"
- woman overheard in mary's office building, 08.05.02
"you can see under skirts with those shoes!"
- mary's co-worker, 08.05.02
"you just put your shoe under her skirt."
"there's nothing to see, i'm like barbie."
- mary's co-workers, 08.05.02
"how many for dinner?"
"three."
"what's your name?"
"mary."
"okay."
... [walk away] ...
"he wrote down barry."
- host & alyssa, 08.08.02 @ corvette's diner
"he's not qualified to write anything but his name."
- mary's co-worker, 08.09.02
"you backspace more times that you type, no wonder you're getting no where."
- mary's co-worker, 08.09.02
"at book clubs they don't talk about books, they talk about their husbands."
- old man, 08.13.02, @ warwick's bookstore
"don't get her jewerly or a gift certificate. a gift certificate means you didn't even try."
- mary's co-worker, 08.14.02
"you talk about how i never call to talk and now that i call to talk you don't want to talk? that's weak."
- mary's co-worker, 08.14.02
"that guy over there has a nice penis. i just touched his wee wee. i'm not gay, but he has a nice penis."
- some guy, 08.14.02 @ the ould sod
"they say you should go out with people who aren't like you. i think i should go out with sports girls."
- some guy, 08.24.02 @ the live wire
"hi, my name is photoshop and i take five minutes to crop a picture."
- mary's co-worker, 08.27.02
tom: just to be sage
tom: not sage
tom: that's a spice
tom: you're more than welcome to be spicy
tom: but I meant safe
ron: It would probably be ironic if someone screwed a kumquat.
ToBeGerman (12:46:21 PM): i look like yoda
ToBeGerman (12:46:28 PM): i like yoda
ladykyten (12:47:15 PM): yoda's like 2 feet tall and wrinkly
ladykyten (12:47:25 PM): and green.
ToBeGerman (12:48:18 PM): ok
ToBeGerman (12:48:23 PM): i will give you that
ToBeGerman (12:48:26 PM): but
ToBeGerman (12:48:36 PM): make him 3 feet 9 inches taller
ToBeGerman (12:48:43 PM): take away the wrinkles
ToBeGerman (12:48:47 PM): and the gree
ToBeGerman (12:48:49 PM): n
ToBeGerman (12:48:51 PM): and the ears
ToBeGerman (12:49:01 PM): and give him black hair
ToBeGerman (12:49:04 PM): and glasses
ToBeGerman (12:49:20 PM): and a face that looks like mine
ToBeGerman (12:49:30 PM): hell you cant deny the resemblence
ladykyten (12:49:37 PM): okay you look like yoda. now be quiet.
ToBeGerman (12:50:49 PM): thank you
ToBeGerman (12:50:55 PM): i love you
ladykyten (12:51:19 PM): can i have a $100, too?
ToBeGerman (12:51:26 PM): no
ladykyten (12:51:36 PM): damnit. you don't look like yoda.
ToBeGerman (12:52:48 PM): god damn you bitch
ToBeGerman (12:52:57 PM): ok you cna have a hundred dollars too
ToBeGerman (12:53:10 PM): but you are going on a payment plan as well
ladykyten (12:53:12 PM): woohoo!
ToBeGerman (12:53:17 PM): so tell me
ladykyten (12:53:23 PM): bill, you look like yoda, its amazing.
jc (1:59:17 PM): do you have any lipstick?
jc (1:59:19 PM): er
jc (1:59:23 PM): lip balm?
GrendelPrimed (11:36:38 AM): I'll run for president.
GrendelPrimed (11:36:47 AM): My platform... "Sexual communism."
GrendelPrimed (11:36:53 AM): "Everyone gets a piece."
ladykyten (11:37:12 AM): well, the christians will be after your head
GrendelPrimed (11:37:18 AM): That's ok.
ladykyten (11:37:24 AM): the feminists will think you're a pig
GrendelPrimed (11:37:29 AM): Yes.
ladykyten (11:37:41 AM): the black community will hate you because you're not black
GrendelPrimed (11:37:48 AM): I'll have a lottery, like a draft.
ladykyten (11:37:54 AM): the latino community won't know what you're saying
GrendelPrimed (11:37:56 AM): Pair up men with women.
GrendelPrimed (11:38:01 AM): The gays will hate me.
ladykyten (11:38:10 AM): the gay and lesbians will stone you
GrendelPrimed (11:38:21 AM): Man...
GrendelPrimed (11:38:25 AM): It's good to be president!
ladykyten (11:38:38 AM): white guys in the 18-24 range will vote for you
ladykyten (11:38:47 AM): but people generally in the 18-24 range don't vote
GrendelPrimed (11:38:48 AM): Hell yeah. That's my demographic.
GrendelPrimed (11:38:52 AM): And sororiety girls.
ladykyten (11:39:07 AM): maybe you'll get banned from the country.
GrendelPrimed (11:39:07 AM): True.
ladykyten (11:39:20 AM): they'll ship to you canada!
GrendelPrimed (11:39:23 AM): That's how I'll get that demographic involved in the political process. lol.
GrendelPrimed (11:39:36 AM): "Man, we'll get laid? Where do I sign up?!
GrendelPrimed (11:40:06 AM): The Seniors will chastize me.
ladykyten (11:40:12 AM): yeah
ladykyten (11:40:15 AM): they'll be like
GrendelPrimed (11:40:16 AM): I'll be deported.
GrendelPrimed (11:40:20 AM): It will rock.
ladykyten (11:40:26 AM): "we can't even have sex, you bastard!"
ladykyten (11:40:31 AM): "i can't get it up!"
GrendelPrimed (11:40:31 AM): lol.
GrendelPrimed (11:41:18 AM): Oh well... a boy can dream.
ladykyten (11:42:52 AM): the other night i dreamt i had 4 doctor's appointments in one day
GrendelPrimed (11:42:58 AM): He just wanted to meet like all the intern parents or something.
ladykyten (11:43:10 AM): and i was worried because i knew i couldn't make them all and i was wondering why i let that happen
GrendelPrimed (11:43:22 AM): Anxiety dream.
ladykyten (11:43:43 AM): oh yeah, they're the best.
ladykyten (11:43:44 AM): ...
ladykyten (11:43:48 AM): hm.
GrendelPrimed (11:43:48 AM): ...
GrendelPrimed (11:43:54 AM): I hate them.
ladykyten (11:43:54 AM): ........
GrendelPrimed (11:43:58 AM): ............
ladykyten (11:44:03 AM): .......................
GrendelPrimed (11:44:08 AM): ...........................................
ladykyten (11:44:09 AM): it was pleasant.
ladykyten (11:44:20 AM): ...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................vv
ladykyten (11:44:23 AM): hoa.
GrendelPrimed (11:44:36 AM): ...................................................................................................................................................................... eh, fuck it.
GrendelPrimed (11:44:57 AM): You know what we just wrote?
ladykyten (11:45:16 AM): what?
GrendelPrimed (11:45:17 AM): An ee cummings poem.