Oh, so you watched a monkey swim on your internet today, did you? I suppose that's interesting. I saw something better today. Something that spoke directly to me and filled my heart with joy! You know what I saw today? I saw Jesus in my tomato soup. Jesus spoke to me through the soup! I got on my hands and knees and prayed, but He told me to get back up so he could talk to me. He couldn't see me when I was on the floor. I was going to put the soup bowl on the floor and then pray but He stopped me and told me to just listen. He told me what I was doing wrong in my life. He told me I should stop watching so much Oprah. I didn't know what he meant exactly. I thought Oprah was a good person. But He told me that Oprah is not to be trusted, so I can't watch her show anymore. He didn't say why exactly, but I have my suspicions. I really wanted to watch though because Tom Cruise was going to be on today and I wanted to dream about him in my bed. Jesus read my thoughts though and told me it was a sin to think of Tom Cruise in my bed when I'm a married woman. I'm so glad Jesus is in my heart and is there to guide me when I stray. No more Oprah for me! No more Tom Cruise movies! I follow the will of Jesus. I will also eat tomato soup every day now, hoping Jesus will be there for me again when I go astray.