McDonalds Big Mac
This is probably the most popular hamburger on the planet. Surprisingly, it is also the most disgusting. When I researched to find out what grade beef this was, my assumption was grade D. Come to find out, it's not grade D at all. It's not even hamburger meat. It's Kangaroo. Seriously. Have you ever tasted a burger that had the same texture as bland rubber? Ever seen a yellow burger that didn't have mustard on it? That's right, not unless you've had a Big Mac. McDonald's is something else though. Whenever hunger needs to be satisfied, food usually does the trick. McCy D's on the other hand, actually makes you feel worse.
Rating: 3 out of 10 patties

Burger King Whopper
Have it your way. Until I experienced the Double-Double, this was my favorite hamburger. The combination of flame broiled quality meat, with ketchup AND mayo as the condiments makes for a delectable meal. Many have shied away as this is one of the highest burgers in calories. I, however, have always been attracted to this burger because it is one of the highest in "good taste."
Rating: 9 out of 10 patties

Carl's Jr. $6 Burger
If you've ever vomited after easting stale meatloaf, the taste you experienced is identical to that of this prized burger. At its prime, the hype for this burger on San Diego television was out of control. Seldom would I be able to make it through an episode of Punky Brewster without seeing a few $6 burger commercials. Their theme was something along the lines of "Why go to a fancy restaurant when you can something something blah blah blah. The $6 Burger at Carl's Jr." or something of the like. From the parodying of other restaurant chains' atmospheres (quite humorous), to the famous Paris Hilton washing a car (quite possibly the reason I haven't eaten a $6 burger in years...or washed my car), the marketing for the $6 burger was bananas, or uh, burgers. With all the hype, I figured this thing was well worth the money. I quickly found out otherwise. The dry taste of this humungous burger tasted more like the time I was in a fight and had grass and blood in my mouth than of the much anticipated beef bliss. So if you like stale meatloaf, you'll love the $6 burger.
Rating: 1 out of 10 patties

Wendy's Classic Double
For those that don't know, Dave Thomas had a daughter and that daughter was the inspiration for a fast food restaurant. But after "Shaniqua's Beefy Burgers" failed, he started a restaurant chain called "Wendy's." I think why this burger tastes so good is that despite the fact that it's "fast food," it tastes the most like a home cooked hamburger. Every bite brings back the nostalgia of the 4th of July cookout of 1992.
Rating: 8 out of 10 patties

Jack in the Box Ultimate Cheeseburger
If you like grease, you'll love this burger. Not the worst tasting burger, but if you have no other options this is a obviously a great choice. If you just happen to be in the mood for a hunk of grease, then enjoy Brad Pitt in oil. Then have a Jack Burger. Only having this on 2 occasions (once my first time trying it, and the second time after enjoying Brad Pitt in oil) I can't get too elaborate on how it tastes, since all I remember thinking is how greasy it was. And how I wanted to watch Fight Club again.
Rating: 5 out of 10 patties

In-N-Out Double-Double
There is no better tasting hamburger on the planet. For those of you unlucky people that haven't experienced In-N-Out (sorry non-Californians, and recently Arizonians and Nevadaians), just imagine the best tasting burger you've ever had and multiply that times 10. Take that number, square it twice, divide by the number of days until your next birthday, pat your head and rub your stomach while holding your tongue and saying "ship" 5 times fast. Once you've done all that, then realize there is nothing that tastes better than a "Double-Double." With the freshest and highest quality meat, In-N-Out's Double Double epitomizes the hamburger. Keeping the meat fresh is priority number 1. After vigorous research, I found out this establishment doesn't even own a freezer. So how do they store their meat? Inside the cow. You may not know this but there is a cow pasture in the back of every In-N-Out, and they are kept there in sheer bliss until you order. That way you get the freshest and best meat on the planet. With a "secret" recipe for their sauce (similar to thousand island dressing by color and texture, but not by taste - as the taste is simply divine) and only the freshest vegetables, the double-double is a burger right out of Heaven. Cooked just the way you like it (I've heard people order it so all they see is pink to "I want it so burnt that I want to feel like I'm eating charcoal") I have yet to even hear a complaint about this delicacy. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to my heart is through a double-double.
Rating: 10 out of 10 patties

Never forget these gems as they will keep you satisfied throughout your life as a fast food burger consumer. Remember, the right burgers and the right fries makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. I'd write more but my double-double is ready to go.

- The hamburger aficionado
John Money
www.billionairebrothers.com