Today I went to Old Navy, and ecstatic that I found a pair of pants that fit and I liked, I bought a total of three pairs, one in every color available. I stood on the long swirling line of people at the 34th Street store in Manhattan as I sang along to Gloria Gaynor and perused through the junk they have set up near the line. When it was my turn to go up to the register that more closely resembled Costco than a clothing store, I was greeted by a singing dancing cheery woman with a Jamaican accent.

"Hello my luv, did you find ev-ray-ting O-kay?" I smiled and said yes. She danced and tallied up my clothes, told me my total and I pulled out my trusty LL Bean Visa. A visa for which I earn "bean bucks" on every purchase I make, double on LL Bean purchase. Granted to earn the 10 bean bucks that come in a coupon I have to put a car and mortgage on it, but eventually they do add up and I become like a lunatic who won the lottery when they arrive. Recently my fiancée asked if he could have some of my bean bucks to buy a new pair of shoes. I said, "I would sooner just give you ten dollars, do you know how hard I have to work for these things?"

Anywho, I handed her my credit card and she looked at it and said "O-kay luv, swipe it through." Which I did. I picked up the little fake pen thing, scribbled my name on the screen and pressed ok. She looked at it and then looked at me and said "is dat how you signed your name on da back of de card?" I looked down at what I had written and it resembled a three year old pretending to write script or attempting to draw birds. I said "well not really, but it is kinda hard to write with this fake pen thing on the screen."

She said "well now dey really crackin' down so you gotta do it ov-ah." I looked up at her and must have clearly made a face because she said, "now hon dun't go blamin' me, everyones haven to be doin' it." I smiled, uncoiled the pen, and then signed again. She looked at it and said, "Gimme your card hon, now look at dis, does dis look da same?"

Luke Skywalker had 3 movies, 2 prequels, and a guru to learn how to spin a light saber around. This woman expected me to somehow figure out how to write my name with one in the span of 2 minutes with 30 angry people standing behind me.

I looked at my credit card, looked at her, and attempted to sign my name yet again feeling like I was playing that old Price is Right game where you have to sign a giant check with a pen the size of Rhode Island. I looked at my squiggles and said, "Listen, that's the best you're getting unless you give me a print out with a real pen!"

She looked at it and said, "Good enough I guess but next time you get a credit card, I tink you best be practicing your signature before you sign da back!" I smiled and left, thankful that I purchased three pairs of pants and wouldn't have to return to Old Navy for a while, and if I do, I will definitely bring cash!

Jen LiMarzi (www.JenLiMarzi.com) is a New York City writer and author of Fingers Crossed, Legs Uncrossed.