quotes and overheard conversations, part II Print E-mail
Written by alyssa and mary   
Monday, 20 June 2005
Here's some more quotes and overheard conversations from our archives. There's still some left in the archives that we'll let you read a bit later. "if they have cider they can make hard cider - just leave it outside for a while."
- some guy at that buffalo restaurant in julian, 09.11.00

"look at the red truck, it's so big. red truck. look at that red truck."
- julian guy

"i'm like a seal. i have a layer of fat on my body."
- unknown julian quote, alyssas handwriting

"it looks like i have ufos in my soda."
- mary, 09.11.00

"i feel like we're on an obstacle course except there are no obstacles."
- mary, 09.11.00

"it's so cold in here that no virus could survive - i could have the flu and you wouldn't even sniffle."
- mary's co-worker, 4/9

"i can respect that... barley. but i can respect that nonetheless."
- mary's co-worker, 4/12

"i'm about to get in a cock fight with someone who doesn't have a cock."
- bill @ friday's, 4/14

"this guy ran a 40-mile practice run. where do you run 40 miles? there aren't any 40 mile loops. he must have just gotten on I-5 and ran down to chula vista."
- mary's co-worker, 4/16

"fargo - isn't that in south dakota?"
"no, it's in north dakota."
"oh god, that's the same thing isn't it? why do they even put south dakota on a map? it's all cold."
- mary's co-workers, 4/16

"hey, do you get radio reception in south dakota?"
"...yeah. we even have cable tv."
"wow."
- mary's co-workers, 4/16

"so do you hate all people from north dakota?"
(laughter) "yeah."
"oh man, now i want to go find someone from north dakota and see if i can get him all riled up! (pause)... how many kids did you have in your high school? like six?"
- mary's co-workers, 4/16

"hey do you have computers in south dakota in the schools?"
"oh yeah."
"do they still play 'oregon trail'?"
- mary's co-workers, 4/16

"he's just your run-of-the-mill perfect guy. who says 'run-of-the-mill'? what a lame-o."
- girl @ friday's, 4/16

"is yosemite in south dakota?"
"no, it's in california."
"oh... i mean... yellowstone. oh what the hell's the difference? is yellowstone there in wyoming?"
"... wyoming is a seperate state."
"oh."
- mary's co-workers, 4/17

"that old lady scares me. i jumped out of body last night while looking at her."
- waiter @ friday's, 4/19

"how long's your flight?"
"i fry... whoa, uh, okay, i'm japanese now."
- mary & stacey @ friday's, 4/20

"don't be afraid of stencils."
- girl @ fry's electronics, 4/21

"don't tickle your friend bill, pet your friend bill. pet! pet!"
- bill, 4/22

"why did he trade that car in?"
"oh, because he knocked up his wife - err... girlfriend."
- some guys @ friday's, 4/25

"too bad there's no word that ends in '-oba'."
- alyssa @ friday's, 4/25

"whoa, a new shredder! rock on!"
- overheard somewhere near mary's office, 4/26

"do i have a daughter? i am my own daughter."
- some dude at the the city attorney's office, 4/26

"he's the perfect man for me, not disgusting, cute, and sterile."
- stacey, 4/28

"i need to have everybody's hand on my ass."
- bill @ john's place in yucca valley, 4/28

"he's the only one who knows i've been here for nine hours because all he does is site there and watch me for nine hours."
- mary's co-worker, 4/30

"what's with you saying that all of the time?"
"what? i just like to say, 'i hate la', i've been saying it since 1983. i hate la!"
- mary's co-workers, 4/30

"just the words 'corn-tassling' bring back bad memories."
- mary's co-worker, 5/1

"there are just some things your city slicker mind can't comprehend."
"yeah, i just can't imagine all that land. i think there's got to be a golf course or a mall here or something."
- mary's co-workers, 5/1

"do you want to shave me?"
- mary's co-worker, 5/4

"asians don't party in boston."
... (break) ...
"there's racism in boston."
"well you could go party in chinatown..."
"yeah see, you have to keep them segregated."
"no... boston isn't racist. we're the home of the freedom fighters!"
- mary's co-workers, 5/4

"it's been awhile since i've seen that sandwich."
"- mary @ chili's, 5/4

"my name is stevie nicks! i'm a leprechaun#@!"
- alyssa @ the movies, 5/4

"today when i was cleaning my car, i found a sticky note with quotes from you two. stacey said 'i need a stick shift,' and mary said, 'why don't you just say you need a dildo?' i was like, 'whoa, mary said dildo.'"
"dildo."
"whoa."
- alyssa, mary, and stacey 03.12.01

"i think it's in canada or minnesota or some accent state."
- alyssa 03.15.01

"it's a bit nippy... or uh... hot."
- alyssa 03.15.01

"what's with all these catholic kids?"
- alyssa 03.15.01

more recent ones:

"if you can be a banker, you can be a stoner."
- mary @ fridays, 4/4

"i don't harass enough people."
- alyssa @ fridays, 5/6

"cake doesn't go so well with beer."
- mary's dad, 5/12

"it's not just me with the handcuffs."
*perks up*... "handcuffs?"
- heather & stacey, 5/12

"mary is the virgin that really jumps out at you."
- bill, 5/12

"oh yeah, this is sexy."
- id with a plastic rhino in his mouth, 5/12

"is it good odd or bad odd?"
- alyssa, 5/12

"i'd like to see bill lick frosting off of id."
- alyssa, 5/12

"how much drama could happen around here in thirty minutes?"
"i have a crush on you, id."
- id & bill, 5/12

"did you just ask if there's any meat in tuna? it's *tuna*."
- subway worker talking to a guy who didn't speak good english, 5/16

"its hot in here."
"did you mean that in a special way?"
"no."
- alyssa & heather @ fridays, 5/19

"i once drove a golf cart into the water on purpose."
- mary's co-worker, 5/22

"what are you doing to my newspaper? that's an heirloom!"
- sarah to cat, 5/24

"alaska has more lakes than any other state, even minnesota."
"more legs?"
- matt & sarah, 5/24

"it would suck to die to 'beautiful day'."
- matt, as we pass other cars on the two-lane highway in alaska, 5/24

"i was supposed to get money when you masturbated in public!"
- mary, to sarah 5/24

"the sound of a woman peeing is so weird. even when i was a kid i thought it was weird."
- david, 5/24

"if i could marry anyone in this room, it'd be me."
- matt, 5/24

"they have all kinds of foreign food here."
"well you're still in america. don't you agree is this the 49th state? it's been around since 1959."
"well i haven't been around that long."
- tourists with southern accents in alaska, 5/25

"that's basically a crap store except that have dildos and stuff."
- david, refering to a store called 'neat stuff', 5/25

"is grandma a space pilot?"
- daughter to her mother in the seattle airport, 5/30

"i would have been a chocolate covered stacey."
- stacey, 5/30

"i'm mister tan boy."
- id, 5/30

"chocolate ants are very tasty, but the bigger ants are more anty."
- stacey, 5/30

"i only like meat when its not a surprise."
- alyssa, 6/3

"good morning, you have chalmydia!"
- alyssa @ fridays, 6/7

"we're like dogs, we can smell fear."
- stacey, 6/8

Etceteral (4:08:13 PM): i really wish mariah carey hadn't decided to turn herself into a skanky ho halfway through the 90's
Etceteral (4:08:25 PM): she had some real talent going for her... :/

"guys don't even know which hand to look at for a king. they're like, what's a ring?"
- guy @ denny's, 6/10

"pine-sol, where can i find that? is it next to the beans or salsa?"
"no, it's next to the ---"
"mom, i was kidding."
"one of these days i'm going to choke you!"
"haha, sure mom."
- mary & her mom, 6/11

"superman [the ride] is the orgasm of magic mountain."
- bill @ magic mountain, 6/19

"my other name at work is 'fireboy'."
"ooohhhh... that has a lot of implications!"
- man & a woman walking through the breakroom @ mary's work, 6/13

"is splash the plural of splish?"
- mary's co-worker, 6/21

"he doesn't spend $20 in a week. that's like a month of lunches at am pm."
- mary's co-worker, 6/21

"um.. what are you listening to?"
"oh... madonna."
"*oh* ... hm. allrighty then."
- mary's co-workers, 6/22

"i don't think he's worked a full week in the six months he's been here. he must be using next year's days off by now."
- mary's co-worker, 6/25

"there is no 'we' without you."
- mary's co-worker, 6/26

"i told you, i don't drink."
"yeah, and the pope's jewish."
- mary's co-workers, 6/26

"wow, you're tan. are there sun lamps at the hospital now?"
- mary's co-worker, 6/26

"i know you guys missed me."
"yeah, we talked about you."
"i'm sure you didn't say anything good."
"of course not, we wait til you're here and say it all to your face."
- mary's co-workers, 6/26

"oh my god, do you remember when we tried to get menudo to play his birthday party?"
- mary's co-worker, 6/26

"you know it's my song when i shake my ass."
- alyssa @ the dog, 6/26

"my hair will go bad."
"you mean like milk?"
- stacey & alyssa, 6/26

"so i had to go to the bass outlet --"
"bass outlet? come on, i grew up around cornfields. when you say 'bass', i think 'fish'."
"yeah, so, i went to the bass outlet..."
- mary's co-workers, 7/2

"who are you?"
"i am a hero!"
- mary's co-workers, 7/3

"i'm glad you have bill pride."
- bill, 7/7

"cheese crackers! oh, this is the life."
- mary's little cousin, EJ, 7/7

"do they pay for you to go on the mission?"
"no, i have to pay to go."
"then why even go?"
"it's not for me, it's for the lord!"
"the lord should pay for your expenses."
- girl & guy at disneyland, 7/5

"one time we got drunk and decided to watch 'steel magnoilas'. that was a bad fucking idea."
- guy @ doughty show in la, 7/13

"oh man, his computer sucks."
"what's wrong with it?"
"it sucks."
- mary's co-workers, 7/16

"why do you keep making my ears hurt?"
"because i like to!"
- father with his daughter on his shoulders @ the post office, 7/19

"you've been working out? you got nothing else to do, huh?"
- mary's co-worker, 7/26

"you're a sad little man."
- mary's co-worker, 7/26

"crab racoon? oh... crab ragoon."
- mary's co-worker, 7/27

"look at marshall's order - soy sauce! i have soy sauce in my desk."
"you have soy sauce in your desk?!"
- mary's co-workers, 7/27

"hey dude, why don't you go cuddle him?"
"uh... no. anyway, i haven't shaved in awhile. i might chafe him."
- mary's co-workers, 7/27

"what is that, barbeque sauce with sour cream?"
"no... it's salsa. like that del taco salsa."
"oh, so its ketchup with peppers in it."
"well... yeah."
"it looks like barbeque sauce."
- guy and girl in break room, 7/30

(over intercom): "breakfast bakery is at the front desk."
"hey scotty, go get me a danish."
"don't you know that stuff is poisoned?"
- mary's co-workers, 8/3

"guy spunk is way messier than girl spunk."
- travis, 8/4

"who's that mouse? oh! speedy gonzalez. he's one of my favorite mice."
- alyssa @ friday's, 8/6

"i like this one because you don't have to do anything to it."
"just pierce it and let it blow up."
- mary's co-workers, 8/9

*pounding on desk*
"argh! why am i so dumb?"
- mary's co-worker, 8/10

"hey mary, are you coming to the beach tomorrow?"
"no, probably not."
"aww, but we'll be setting up the volleyball net!"
"i don't really like to play volleyball."
"i'm bringing my boogie boards!"
"i can't swim."
"ah, well. okay then."
- mary & her boss, 8/10

"i create a sense of order. i am god."
- stacey, 8/13

"see, i am god, i create order and turn on the map light!"
- stacey, 8/13

"god needs a scrungee."
- stacey, 8/13

"hey, how was 'thong day'?"
"actually, it's called 'g-string monday'."
- mary's co-workers, 8/14

"aw yeah, penis balloons!"
- guy @ target, 8/16

"i got money now! it's like i'm back in society."
- mary's co-workers 8/17

"i am the dog and big penis queen."
- jessie, 8/18

"there are a lot of hot men in here."
"did you just say 'do you want pot, dear?'"
- alyssa & travis, 8/18

"i want a guy."
"pavlovian slip!" *shakes head* "freudian slip!"
"no, i said i want a girl."
- jc & alyssa, 8/18

"you take years off my life."
"why is that?"
"because you're a pain in the ass."
- mary's co-workers, 8/20
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