Why does my computer always default to Times New Roman? I don't think it's a very flattering font. Why doesn't the world default to Arial to Courier New? Arial is a lot crisper looking than that funky old Times New Roman. I wonder if the other fonts are jealous that Times is the standard. I bet if they had parties, they wouldn't invite Times. Unless they were snooty and wanted to kiss up for some attention. I'm sure some fonts don't care. I just think Times New Roman sucks. the end.

(ps - alyssa likes garamond.)

Love Affair

A fork and soup were laid side by side next to a large, white plate. Sally, the spoon, shifted a little and brushed her metal edge up against Fred the Fork's side. Fred felt a little tingle surge through his cold metal frame as they touched metal to metal. They had always been paired up together, day after day, and yet they never really talked much or had a lot of contact with each other. It was strictly business. The restaurant was usually pretty busy during the day and at night they were stashed away with the other silverware: Fred going off to the fork drawer and Sally was stacked away with the other spoons. Most silverware pretty much kept to themselves. It wasn't really customary for other types to intermingle even though they worked together a lot of the time. In spite of that, Fred had always had a little crush on Sally.

He shifted back against her, clinking their metal bodies together. Sally blushed and smiled at Fred. She winked at him and resumed her usual stance on the napkin and Fred beamed. He decided that now was a better time than any to speak to Sally and ask her for a date. It might be a few days before they were paired up again and they definitely wouldn't get a chance to talk during the dishwashing hour.

Fred cleared his throat and whispered to her, "Hey Sally, you're looking good today. Did you get polished this morning?"

Sally gave Fred a sly look.

"Oh Fred, you know very well polishing day is on Sunday! Do you really think I look good today? I've been feeling a little worn out lately."

"Sally, you're one of the finest spoons around here!"

Sally beamed and clinked against Fred. "You're too kind."

"I just call them like I see them."

Fred jittered a little on the table as he got the nerve to ask Sally out.

"Say, what are you doing tonight? Are you being laid out later or are you going back into the drawer?"

"I think I'm going to be placed over at booth 15 tonight. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to try and arrange for us to partner up again and maybe swap factory made stories."

"Sure, that sounds nice. I'll let the Sonya serving spoon know."

And so it was set. Fred and Sally met that night at booth 15 and chatted into the night. They had to slip down onto one of the seats to try and not disturb the other silverware in the booth and no one paid them any mind.

Fred felt his metal frame heat up the moment they got under the table and eventually worked up enough nerve to press one of his tines against Sally. To his surprise she pressed back and they clinked together again.

"Oh Fred, I've had a crush on you for so long! But I didn't want to say anything since I didn't know if you felt the same way... and of course, because of the rules."

"Ah, screw the rules. I want to be with you Sally!"

"They wouldn't let us stay here if we were together, Fred. Where would we go?"

Fred thought about it for a moment and looked at Sally.

"We could run away. I have some friends down in Mexico that could set up us down there. We'd have to go soon though."

"Oh this is crazy... this is the only life I've ever known!"

"It'll be okay, Sally. Just tell me now: do you want to do this?"

Sally looked lovingly at Fred and knew it was the right thing to do. They couldn't go on denying their feelings and besides, it would be too hard to hide it. They made plans to leave in a few days. They said a quiet goodbye to their closest friends who wished them well.

Sally and Fred left the old rickety tables and dusty drawers and headed for a new life in Mexico. There they lived the rest of their days with their new friends and their spork children.

Jesus is My Best Friend

My pal Jesus is my best friend and I'll bet you a hundred bucks he's cooler than your best friend. Just don't let him know I'm betting because he'll talk about sinning and shit and I really don't like to get him going on that subject. Besides that whole sinning thing though he's a pretty cool guy. We like to go down to the river and he parts the water for us so we can go in and catch the fish really easily. It hard for them to swim away if there's no water! Also, we never have to buy alcohol because this kid can turn water into wine! Now how cool is that? I bet your best friend can't do that! Actually, Jesus never lets me have any wine. He hoards it for himself and some special "lady friends". You think he could hook a guy up! I've been following his ass for how long now and I still haven't seen any action! Never mind, I take it back. Jesus sucks. I need to get laid.