Where Can I Meet Girls?
Now that you have decided on becoming acquainted with the opposite sex, you probably want to meet one that wasn't imagined by another hardcore gamer. Myspace is the greatest networking tool ever devised. Tom is your friend and he can hook you up. Log in and start clicking away. Since sites of clashing pink and blaring emo music can be distracting, recommended attire for surfing Myspace pages are dark glasses and earplugs. Being blind and deaf is also ideal but such extreme measures should not be taken lightly.

After you have found a girl that you are interested in, message her. Start off with something simple like "a/s/l?," "U R teh HoTTness on teh internetz!!oneone!one," or "what's crackalackin', holm skillet?" If you are feeling particularly bold, mention how you beat the entire Lord of the Rings video game as Legolas. Girls really like Orlando Bloom.

When a firm conversational foundation has been established, send her a picture of your penis. In fact, send several pictures from different angles and in various lighting. Don't forget the obligatory cell phone shot of your penis in the bathroom mirror! For added measure, send several pictures of naked girls that you've saved on your hard drive asking "Is this what you look like naked? HoTT!"

I Have a Date!
After you have had multiple successful exchanges with your chosen girl, ask her out. This doesn't have to be an overly complicated affair involving lunch and Comic-Con. Dinner and a movie is almost always a safe choice unless you are still scared of the dark. For situations like this, an arcade is a great alternative since you will be able to impress her with your sweet Street Fighter skills. Another great way to earn some extra points is to ask her to dress up like Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi. You know which outfit I'm talking about.

Try to pick a quiet place for dinner where you can hold her attention as you regale in tales of how you spent the last fourteen weeks leveling up your wizard. Don't worry about that glazed look in her eyes - that just means she's interested! After dinner, head off to the closest movie theater. Acceptable movie choices are the latest comic book-turned-movie or a blood and gore action movie involving giant robotic insects from the future. Don't forget to indulge in a super-extra-large tub of popcorn! Unless the thought of "accidentally" touching her hand while reaching for popcorn gets you too excited, this is a great way to get some incidental contact.

Assuming you have followed the above instructions closely, an invitation to her apartment afterwards is inevitable.

Sex!!oneone!one
While the thought of sex may be a bit daunting, the main thing to remember is that girls act exactly like your favorite porn stars in bed. In fact, most porn directors have to ask the stars to tone down their performance on-screen in order to minimize the amount of broken furniture.

In preparation of your wild night, oil up your body. Bacon grease works excellent although beef fat is a suitable alternative. To get her even more excited, make sure you take off your clothes before turning off all the lights so you can show off your never-seen-the-light-off-day skin. Pale skin is an aphrodisiac. In addition, leaving your socks on after shedding off all your other clothing is must. It adds a sense of mystery.

The Post-Coital Experience. After the sex act, get up and scream in her face "You got pwnd!" or any sentence involving "ownage" or derivative of "owned." Screaming "FTW!" and doing the Halo Dance is also appropriate for the moment.

To guarantee future interactions with your girl, log into all your favorite gamer forums and write graphic posts about the experience. Include pictures whenever possible. Make sure that your girl knows about this without being too obvious (for example, leave your browser window open after making posts, send her anonymous weblinks, or print your posts out and stick them onto her car with honey or mail them to her parents). When she finds out you have been talking fondly about your relationship, she will be yours forever (unless your wizard gets killed by another hardcore gamer, in which case, you might be in a bit of trouble).

Good luck and may the force be with you.