Clearly the title alone warrants utter love and devotion; though I do think they should have kept the original title, Piranha Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death. The titular tribe of women may eat their own species, but they are gender specific- this is a male only diet. Cannibalism is such a broad term; let us give some credit for gender loyalty here. Especially as this is a key component in setting up the premise of this "feminist" jungle adventure. And before you run screaming at the word "feminist" boys, do note that our heroine, "respected middle of the road feminist ethnographer", Dr. Margo Hunt, is played by playboy playmate Shannon Tweed in her heyday. Add to that the legendary Adrienne Barbeau, a pre-Politically Incorrect Bill Mahr, and a score of gorgeous, scantily dressed amazons and everyone can find something to love about this hilariously cheesy '80s (yes, redundant I know) comedy.

I first came across this low-budget gem sometime during my childhood insomnia. Though the majority of the subject matter most likely sailed over my adolescent head before evaporating into the ether, certain images apparently warranted years of retention. Such as half-naked men serving their friends on a platter to their "mistresses" before they were to be sacrificed, not to mention the coolest suicide ever - **Spoiler** - death by piranha pond! Yes, a little kinky and violent from adolescence, what can I say? So, as a bored adult still suffering from insomnia and a love of horribly bad horror movies, I dug up my old friend from the recesses of the internet, put down my five dollars and waited in eager anticipation that it would be all that I remembered and more. I was most assuredly not disappointed.

So, without further delay, if you will please turn to chapter one in your scene selections ladies and gentleman, we will travel to the lush rainforest located in the San Bernardino Valley (otherwise known as University of California, Irvine's avocado groves. Shhh.). Deep within the "lush" depths of said Amazon jungle we are given a clear view of the deadly Piranha women frolicking under a waterfall and yes, those are real (they still had those back in the '80s, if you recall). Yet to the immense disappointment of males everywhere, I am afraid they are not awaiting a man to make them their sex toy, but to eat the next male trespasser with some tasty guacamole dip. On the brighter side, they will have sex with him first, so ask yourself, is it really such a bad way to go?

Apparently the military does not appreciate my silver lining; they are somewhat miffed that Dr. Hunt's "sisters [aka feminists] in the jungle are eating the 'Few and the Proud'". Therefore, after their first feminist negotiator, Dr. Susie Kurtz (Barbeau), disappears in the jungle, they must coerce a reluctant Dr. Hunt into the service of the National Security Commission of Avocado Affairs. Summary of the conflict: the Piranha women are inhibiting the harvesting of avocados and must be relocated to a reservation in Malibu because “We're on the verge of a major avocado gap with the Soviet Union! Gorbachev is just chuckling over his taquitos." Really, if you cannot see why I love this movie from that quote alone, just stop reading now, as we are drastically different people whose ideologies will never converge.

For the rest of you, plot spoiler ahead! Honestly, as if it matters. The military's true motivation is an insidious plot to assimilate the Piranha women into subservient female roles before the consumption of men becomes a trend throughout the world! Be honest now ladies, have you considered eating your man lately? Regardless, we have arrived at the true premise: the battle of the sexes. Now obviously this movie is in no way to be taken seriously, but as all the clever satires are (and yes, I said clever), it is based on a real and pertinent issue. "Man-hating/man-eating" and feminists are terms that have been placed hand in hand since the inception of the suffragette movement in the nineteenth century. What better or more entertaining way to address this seemingly unrelenting fear that one gender will inevitably be dominated and be consumed by the other, than to take it literally and see what a writer could do with real man-eating women and the various characters that eternally play in the historical battle of the sexes?

Weighing in as The Rational Feminist, seeking respect and equality, we have our fearless leader, Dr. Margo Hunt. Trailing on her scholarly heels we have Bunny (Karen Mistal of Return of the Killer Tomatoes fame), the Quintessential Bimbo and constant thorn in the side of female progress, asking the age old question, "do a lot of feminists eat their men?" And finally, shouldering his way in between the women (as so many men would love to do), misogynistic jungle "guide" Jim (Mahr), self-proclaimed paragon of masculinity. In other words, utterly worthless, bone-headed coward who uses the word "icky". In the event anyone is confused by this, masculine men may not use the word "icky" under any circumstances!

Tweed surprisingly does a great job, striking a balance between sincerely playing the character and subtly acknowledging the campy nature of the film. The legs for days will not disappoint the males either, though they can see those in various other mediums, and I imagine more of them. Karen Mistal is also an adept bimbo, generally more amusing than annoying, and who doesn't love a good tie me up with licorice ropes fantasy? Mahr was obviously born to play this role, and though one does have the urge to hit him over the head with a blunt object from time to time, his inept goofiness staves off the desire for his violent death. Jim's egocentric male posturing and incessant need to trumpet male superiority lead to many an amusing debate with the good doctor. The two spar well, and Bunny's dim-witted interjections are comedy gold. Though Dr. Hunt attempts to maintain her cool, she is about ready to abandon her professional ethics and make a meal out of Mahr when they are discovered by the Piranha women and taken to their leader who is none other than Dr. Susie Kurtz, author of Smart Women, Stupid Insensitive Men.

Enter the Radical Feminist! After being destroyed by Letterman as the token feminist on the talk show circuit, Kurtz has gone a little mad and finds that eating her way back to success as the leader of the Piranha women will yield a fabulous book, as well as a full stomach. Not to mention being served by muscular men in loincloths (three cheers for eye candy equality, a thing we women have been too long denied in the film industry! Honestly they are not really my type, but it's certainly a step in the right direction). Shocked and appalled, yet temped by the loincloths, Dr. Hunt refuses to forfeit her principles. On to the great debate and final climax (please contain your excitement) with a literal battle-royale of the militant vs. rational feminist. Well, it is a literal battle; fencing skills are somewhat less than royal. But back to the climax! My afore-mentioned favorite death-by-Piranha scene! Dr. Kurtz's final words direct her Heart of Darkness namesake, "the horror... the horror." Ah, the beauty of it all.

So, the burning question, as Dr. Hunt inquires, "Is it possible for men and women to co-exist as equals?" We may never know. But at least we have learned that apparently men make some tasty jerky. And now I am really in the mood for some dip...